My girlfriend figured out who you are.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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