i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
