Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
