Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
