he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
