I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
