I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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