I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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