There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
