I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
