I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
