he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize