M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
