Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize