I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
