I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you would pick up someone in the library
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
