$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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