update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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