my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm always down for nudity.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
