Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
