And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
