I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
