He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
