Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
