So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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