i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
