It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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