My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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