when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize