White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
