dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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