Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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