Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
