fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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