I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
