I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
