mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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