Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
