I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
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