the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
