I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
