This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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