at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
