The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
