Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
