I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
