i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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