did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
