just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
