Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
