If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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