Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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