I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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