Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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