Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
