I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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