Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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