EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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