As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
