alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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