who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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