How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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