no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
