i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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