True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
