More tranny stories later!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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