The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
