soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
