I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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