Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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