Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
