Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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