we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
